Digital Paranoia

"If he was cheating, I would know within hours," a friend confided in me over Starbucks.

"Really? Because you'd tell by the way he held you or by his eyes?"

A blank expression came over her face. "No. Because I have access to his email, Facebook, and credit card accounts."

Well, then.

The fact is, in relationships, the rules have changed. I know girls who have spent hours trying to guess their boyfriend's email passwords. I know girls who wait until their boyfriends are asleep to go through phones and text messages. I know girls who add their boyfriends' exes on facebook just to 'check up'.

I have not done any of these things... at least, if I had, I wouldn't admit to it on my blog...

I wonder what would have happened if Jackie Kennedy had mentioned to the President one night, "I read on Marilyn Monroe's twitter feed earlier that you two had lunch together. I thought you were in New York, not Hollywood..."

Or if Anne Boleyn had pouted to Henry the 8th about not making their relationship "Facebook official".

Or if Princess Diana had asked Prince Charles why Camilla was in his "top 8 friends" on myspace.

I also think any older friends of mine would be shocked to hear what my peers and I have done in the name of "harmless investigation".

True love is supposed to be about love and honor. I think that twenty or more years ago, it was easier to trust. You couldn't access someone's entire life at your fingertips. You had to trust. It was too easy for your significant other to cheat, so you could either drive yourself crazy wondering or just blindly trust.

In my relationship with John, I am very trusting.

Mostly.

There are moments, where he shields his phone while texting, where I get a little curious. Why is he hiding his phone? Who is he texting? And I'll admit, I accepted his ex girlfriend's facebook friend request because her profile was set to private and it drove me crazy with curiosity (which, I'm sure, is why she added me in the first place as the girl and I have not said five words to each other).

I wish it wasn't so easy.

I wish there was no temptation.

I wish I lived in an age where I could set my mentality to think, "If he wanted to cheat, he could hide it from me so easily, so I might as well trust him instead of constantly searching."

And I try.

Well, I try to set my mentality to think, "He would never cheat! Ever! He loves me!"

And then, I see a comment on his myspace from someone I don't know...

And suddenly I'm checking out this girl's last five years worth of wall comments.

It's a sickness.