For a fabulous prize, choose between door number 1 or door number 2.

     When I was in elementary school, I knew I was going to grow up to be a writer. I'd write constantly. Short stories, poems, lyrics, anything. I filled notebooks with my words, convinced that one day my words would be bound between leather covers. And, I was decent. I was better than other kids my age and had some natural talent. Then, in fifth grade, a teacher told me that to become a good writer, I would have to take classes and workshops and work hard on my craft for the rest of my life. I decided that was too much work, and set my sights elsewhere.

     By sixth grade, I decided I was going to be an actress. I daydreamed of Broadway and Tonys and breathing the energy of the stage nightly. And, again, I was decent. I had some natural talent. And in my tenth grade acting class, I was told I'd have to take classes and learn different methods and create my "craft" over my lifetime, ala Stanislavski. One again, I decided that was too much work, and set my sights elsewhere.

     By eleventh grade, I decided I was going to be a director. I felt excited at the prospect of controlling the emotions of the audience and creating my dream atmosphere on stage. Once again, I had some natural talent. And by my second year of college, I realized that pretending to give a rat's ass for college classes I was well beyond was too much work.

     Anyone else see a pattern beginning to divulge? I joked to a friend a week or so ago, that, "I may not be amazing at one thing, but I'm pretty above average at LOTS of things!" And it's so adequate. I've dabbled in so much: writing, acting, directing, jewelry design, painting, sewing.... and I never stick to anything long enough to truly become great.

     Which leads to the question: is this a generational thing? Or a female thing? Or a Pisces thing? And am I happy living life this way? While I'd love to be considered the "expert" of a subject, or at least become recognized in a particular thing, the concept of doing the same thing every day for the rest of my life makes me practically suicidal.

     So what does that mean? I bounce back and forth between different minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life so I feel some form of stimulation? Or, the opposite: I force myself to sit through my boredom to accomplish something worthwhile in my life, despite how I feel about it?

     I feel like I have an infinite number of options for what to "do with my life" or "what to be when I grow up". I feel like I don't choose something and stick to it, I will be unsuccessful in life. I feel like if I do pick something and stick with it, I'll spend my entire life wondering "What if?".

     Am I alone in this?