Decor for the Modern Relationship

I have always been fascinated by home decorating.

I remember trips as a kid to Home Depot, and while my parents argued over what shower head was more economical, I would stray slightly away from them and gaze at all the light fixtures and figure out which one would work better in my dream home. By the time I was twelve, I would complain loudly to my mom about how I didn't understand why there wasn't any art on the walls or how tacky the big wooden box was that laid beside the fridge and was labeled "Taters".

I began working in a bead shop and discovering the pages of Vogue at about the same time. I gained a wealth of knowledge about color combination that most would not dream of. Corey and I would flit in and out of home decor stores and discuss what we like and what we didn't. So as my boyfriend John and I began discussing moving into a place together, I got really excited. I drug him to five apartment complexes in one day.

"Well, we could choose the one bedroom apartment with the balcony, or we could choose the two bedroom apartment without a balcony that is the same price. What do you think? Balcony or extra bedroom?"

"I dunno," he shrugged.

If only I had known that would be only the beginning.

"I was thinking we should consider a color scheme for each room, so to make the decorating process a bit easier," I suggested gently. "You know, since the bedroom is supposed to be a fort of tranquility, maybe light blues and khakis...?"

"Sure," he answered. Although it was in the affirmative, he still shrugged.

"What if we bought three of those cheap build-it-yourself bookshelves and placed them side to side, taking up an entire wall? A wall of shelves, embellished with little knick knacks and stuff? Wouldn't it look homey and modern at the same time? Like a real statement?"

"Sure." Same response. Same shrug.

I couldn't help feeling frustrated. Everything I suggested warranted a shrug. I was so excited to stand in WalMart and spend an hour staring at dinnerware, debating the pros and cons of solid color vs. pretty patterns, and trendy vs. traditional. These are the plates I would be eating off of for years, after all.

John was not so excited.

I did not, and do not, understand. Is this typical male behavior? Does he not feel it is his place? Has he not thought enough about decorating to have formed a real opinion or personal taste? Does he feel as if I am so dominant that I will do what I want anyway? Or does he simply not care? And if he doesn't care, what does that mean as we begin to build our lives together?

"I guess he doesn't care," I sighed to Cherish. "I don't know, maybe this is not as important to him. Maybe none of it is. The apartment, the decor, our life.... Maybe it is all convenience."

All of my mental running around came to a halt. John and I found ourselves in a store, and he pointed out an obscenely large clunky black pleather chair with sharp angles. "That's kinda cool. What do you think?"

For a second, I forgot who I was with. I am so used to playing the "let's imagine our dream home," with Corey that I blurted out exactly what I was thinking.

"God no! What is our living room gonna be, a 1970s bachelor pad for a middle aged balding man? What's next, a zebra print rug?"

The minute the words left my mouth, I wished I could cram them back in. I have been praying for some input, some sign he cares. I finally get it and I insult him.

I think that a relationship is all about compromise. And not just, "I like this shower curtain," "but I like this one!". Sometimes, being a good partner means knowing when to shut your damn mouth. Especially when the one you love is finally giving you what you want. Although that chair was God-awful, I could have been much kinder in how I responded. And maybe learning to be more encouraging is much more important than if all of our silverware matches or not.

Though you must realize, all of our silverware will and must match. Weather John understands the importance of matching silverware or not.