Break Ups

For close to three years, he said he loved me. He talked about marriage within three months of dating.I had never wanted to get married, but for him, I loved him enough that I did.

I have revolved my entire life around what's best for us. I planned our future. I spent tireless hours trying to find him the better job he wanted (because he would complain, but never fill out an application himself). I tried to plan a time when I could make more money so he could go back to school. I tried to plan a small business to run from home so I could (in the future) home school our future kids. I painstakingly worked to make our house a home for us.  I struggled to take care of most of the house to show my appreciation that he made more money than me.

I felt as if I put us first, and he put himself first, and I told him this, tearfully, and begged his help.

And he, tearfully, agreed. Telling me he loved me. Couldn't see his life without me. Was on the same page as I was regarding our future.

And then. He moves out. While I'm at work. Without telling me.

And why the breakup? Because my priorities were wrong. Because I "put him on too much of a pedastal." I "loved him too much". He had realized he was "no longer in love with me", no longer "saw himself marrying me", and "wasn't ready for this."

I may seem confused and bitter. But that's because I am. I am not trying to be the bitch painting him as a horrible man, because he isn't. I'm trying to understand what went wrong. And because his logic makes no sense to me, I find myself worrying that it isn't true- there must be more that he isn't telling me. And my mind is going crazy.

I wish him the best. But I will never understand.

I left school because I wasn't happy with it, and thought I could build a better future for us by creating experience that would look good on a resume. I strived towards owning my own business so I could be a stay at home mom for our kids. I have been busting my ass to loose weight so that I could one day bear the children we wanted.

Now that my life has revolved around him and what I thought we wanted.

Now that he's not around.... what do I do with my life?