Sex, Lies, and Videotape

I don't care about Charlie Sheen.

There, I said it.

I don't care how much blow he has snorted, or whose ass he has snorted it off of.

I don't care about Tiger Woods.

I don't care who he sexted, which of his whores is a pornstar, or how he got away with it for so long.

Though I do commend Elin for going after him with a club.

And finally, I don't care if Lindsay Lohan is going to jail or not. (Though I must admit, I went to high school with a guy who slept with her and every time I hear her name I snicker, but after the initial snicker, I pretty much loose interest.)

Why is it when people spiral America is shocked? They are celebrities. What else are they going to do with their time? Take pottery classes at the learning annex?

No, friends. Let's be honest. Even three months ago, we couldn't mentally picture Charlie Sheen in a pottery class.

I think the fact of the matter is, 80% of us would in fact, go a little crazy if we have obscene amounts of money at our disposal and couldn't walk to the mailbox in our pajamas without getting photographed to death.

Sure, most of us might buy our moms a house or pay off our debts or put a college fund aside for our kids. But eventually, you run out of the good stuff to do. When the photos get relentless and the paparazzi slam you no matter what good you do and the money keeps replenishing itself.... what else can you do?

I'll be honest flat out. At that point in my career, I'd be spending my money on, and doing, stuff that was crazy or illegal just to see what I could get away with.

If someone came up to me and I was in that position and said, "Hey, you wanna watch a live donkey show in your hotel room while four naked Brazilian hookers get high on a combination of acid and opium and paint their fantasies? While we're at it, you wanna have room service concierges come into the room and STILL kiss your ass, while they watch all this go on?"

I would probably say, "You really think we can get away with it? Well, let's try!"

And I would place money that most people would disagree, and insist that the fact is they would stay honest, and ground to earth, and honorable. They would never take advantage of their fame.

And it's those same people who turn into Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, or Lindsay Lohan and oops! Guess what just got released to the press!

I don't care about this stuff, I reiterate. I am as media and celebrity obsessed as the next person. I read US Weekly and Perez Hilton regularly.

But this scandal stuff? Eh, I got the gist of it, let's move on.

I think the only people who really care about the who what when where why and every minute detail are those who are deathly afraid to figure out what went wrong because they are afraid that they themselves may someday be in the same situation.

Only those who are afraid of falling down the rabbit hole want to hear everything about where the entrance might be. Those who accept they may fall aren't as concerned with watching their step.

Which are you?