Drive Me Crazy

Not so long ago, I found myself amongst a group of friends, two of whom had recently received speeding tickets. As they bemoaned the upcoming court dates, I asked a few questions.

"Oh," I concluded to one girl. "You've got no problem. Davidson County main courts are pretty damn easy. Everyone walks in. The judge tells you to rise if you plead guilty, and if you do, you get to walk out within twenty minutes instead of listening to everyone whine about how they 'really did stop at that stop sign, they promise!, your honor'."

"Now, you... well, it's gonna be hell, to be honest," I said, focusing on another friend. "Plan at least two and a half hours. Small town courts are the worst. The Cheatham County Court Judge was really tough, and we all had to stand up before court was in session so that anyone in inappropriate attire could be promptly escorted out. That process took twenty minutes alone. Though to be fair to the smaller courts, the Belle Meade Court System was surprisingly lax. The judge there let all students go first."

All side conversations had stopped. "Wow, Brandi," said another friend, obviously trying to hide a huge smile and laugh. "You sure seem to know your courts in middle Tennessee."

Oops.

Sometimes I don't know when to shut my big mouth.

I had to blush.

Okay, in the five years I've had a drivers license, I've had way more speeding tickets than I should have. And then, my license was suspended for six months and I got a ticket for driving with a suspended license. That combined with innocent ignorance of tail lights being out and a forgotten seat belt... let's just say it adds up.

Not only that, my grandfather has had more than his share of DUIs. I've been in a couple of different courtrooms, defending my honor to His Honor, remembering watching my grandfather in the same courtroom 15 years prior defending his honor. It helps stick out in my mind. Imagine my surprise when a particular surrounding county judge was the exact same who threw my grandfather in jail for ten days all those years ago. I remembered this judge as soon as I saw his bald head.

Interesting side note: one night, I was pulled over by a police officer for not having a seat belt on. My best friend was in the passenger side beside me. The police officer was not kind. He blurted out how many past offenses were on my record and asked how in the world I could "forget" my seat belt with my record. He kept using that phrase too. "With your record..." he would think I was more cautious. Let's just say after he finally let me go (without a ticket, thankyouverymuch, I am nothing if not charming), my best friend stared at me incredulously and repeated my number of offenses several times over.

Today, I found myself in the Court House of the City of Belle Meade for a second time in my life. I was so close to a year without a ticket, I thought to myself. Damn those expired tags! I know, I know. Totally my fault. I messed up.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised the State of Tennessee hasn't permanently revoked my license. And if they did, somehow, do so, I wouldn't blame them. I probably shouldn't be allowed on the road, I guess. It's not that I'm a crazy negligent driver. I just sometimes let the other stresses of my life cloud my ability to keep minor details in check.

I can only hope that should the State of Tennessee decide to permanently revoke my license, they provide a court ordered personal chauffeur.