You, Tarzan. Me, Brandi

"What do men have in common with mascara?" a friend asked over a margarita the other day, letting out a few preemptive giggles before the punchline. I raised an eyebrow for the answer. She smiled and triumphantly announced, "They both run at the first sign of emotion!" When I nodded, unimpressed, she tried again. "Why did God create man before woman? You need a rough draft before the final copy."

I've decided I'm over the difference between men and women. Really. And it may be because all of my friends are sexually ambiguous. But you can't tell me men and women are so different.

We all breathe. We all put on our pants one leg at a time (except for some overachievers). We are all blessed with the ability to cry, laugh, smile, love, and feel proud or inadequate. We all are living with goals and interact with people the same way. Our bodies and thought processes are similar.

Generally, I know more women than men who are sex-obsessed. I also know more men than women who are at home in the kitchen and are excellent cooks (and many women who can burn water). I know more women than men who can change their tire. I know more men than women who know the best way to dress a pear shaped body versus an apple shaped body.

Frankly, in 11 months of dating, my boyfriend has cried just as often, if not more, than I have. So much for "running at the first sign of emotion". And I'll have it known that after the women's struggle to be equal, I find it disgusting that so many women now feel the need to make men feel inferior.

And as far as mascara goes, try L'Oreal Waterproof Voluminious Mascara. It don't run for shit, ladies (or men... because I know a few guys who wear it. yeaaaahh, I'm talkin' about you!).